How to kill a conversation

Yesterday I was with a dear friend of mine. We usually just chill and talk or whatever, or I don't know if I can say usually, cause we are kind of new friends. But nevertheless it's one of those rare people that you find and just take an instant liking to, sometimes it happens in life I've found, that you meet someone and you feel like you've known them forever. So, we were sitting at home on the sofa talking and watching tv. And I don't know what we talked about but my friend decided to give me an advice. I don't know about you but I feel that if you really wanna kill a conversation, you should start giving out great advices, cause really where can one go after that? If it's not a horrible, obnoxious advice, all there is to do, is nod, at the best give some response and possibly smile. And that's the end of that. I'm sorry for saying this, I still love you and all of my other friends that does the same thing. I'm just saying I wouldn't love you less if you after your great advices' sometimes would ask: or what is your opinion? Cause sometimes I also have things to say, but maybe I just don't know how to put my thoughts together after all those great speeches.

Uninspiration

I don't know how it is that the most interesting courses can be so totally boring? I am taking a course on gender perspectives in education and I mean, COME ON! How can that even begin to make me bored? ME?! I live for that. Once again a manifestation of how inspired teachers are needed, teachers that can formulate appropriate tasks and guide the students in an appropriate way. Both lacking in this case. I pray I won't make my students as bored... Bored to the extent that I would almost rather fail than complete the tasks. That's some serious boredom.

The end of something

How is it that when we are coming to the end of the road of a given situation, that has been trying, but not all together bad, that we cease to see the good things and easily get caught up in negative emotions? I had, for example, been living in a place for a year or so and had quiet like it. But it wasn't perfect, so I started looking for some place new and when I had signed the lease for the new place I just couldn't get out of there fast enough. Everything, big or small, annoyed me. I think the same thing often happens in a relationship, the things that we would put up with before, are so difficult to tolerate at the end, when a final decision to cut the ties has been made. Maybe it has to do with the fear of something new. When we are breaking up with someone that we love we somehow have to motivate to ourselves that we are doing the right thing. So we give room to the negative things, possibly hurt the other partner even more, so that nothing new can be built out of the ashes and the moving forward is inevitable. To avoid destructive endings we therefore have to, by all means, try to avoid getting caught in the heat of the moment and see it for what it is. The end of one thing and the start of something else. 

Enough is enough!

Am getting so tired of whose story is being told everywhere, that is, that of the white man. Every time I read a new book or see a new film they haunt me. I feel that if they are still as dominant  as they are we have not taken affirmation action far enough. We should just say stop, we don't wanna hear anymore, we've heard the story and know the ending. You have to step down now and give space for someone else. To learn something new we need to see some new perspectives. If you also have this problem a tip is to only watch movies that have passed the Bechdel test (See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bechdel_test ) and thus avoid for example: Harry Potter and the deathly hallows: part two, The Lord of the rings, The social network, Avatar and Star Wars. One movie I intend to watch soon is Dear White People.

Lost things

I keep on loosing things and it is annoying me. Some are important to me for either sentimental or utilitarian purposes. Here is a list of a few things I've lost the last couple of months:

Earrings I've gotten as a gift from my baby (not the first pair ever lost though)
Underwear (HOW? But I'm sure I'm not the only one)
A lipstick (How am I supposed to put the finishing touches to my make-up?)
Keys (classic)
gloves (such is the winter in Sweden)
My mother's scarf (luckily found it by accidentally taking the same road twice)

And these are the things I've lost, let's not talk about the things I've broken.

The critical movment

My sweetheart is on the way to the the embassy to get his visa. His flight to Sweden leaves tuesday, but before that there are so many things that has to happen. He has to get to the Swedish embassy. Safe. He has to leave the Swedish embassy. Safe. He has to get to the airport. Safe. All these things that were safe just a month ago. One could get robbed, yes, but one was not targeted to be killed or assaulted for one's nationality, in broad daylight. This week has been a nervous waiting for today; the critical movement. We haven't talked, of fear of someone hearing his voice. He has been to an immigrant camp that prooved to have lacking security so the last few days he has been staying at a friend's house that is risking a lot for hiding him. Now, soon, freedom, God willing. And here I am at home, preparing for his arrival, read: cleaning up my shit. So it better happen. There is no alternative, cause I already did the groceries.

Fear

My urge for my partner to come here has never been as big as it is now. Not because the longing has ever been this big but because it is extremely dangerous for him to be where he is right now: Johannesburg South Africa, where people are being told by the government to stay inside, in order to not get attacked and killed by mobs looking for foreigners they want out of the country. And here I am without any possibility to do something. I just have to wait for time to pass. This one week before he is allowed to come here couldn't be longer or more uncertain. Right now he is hiding in a friend's flat, too scared to even talk to me on the phone in order to not make noise. And I'm so scared, every minute I don't hear from him is just building up the fear. And if something happens, how will I find out? Who would tell me? We're not married, how would someone know that over here there's someone waiting to hear from him? And I can't imagine how scared he and everyone else must be. And I wonder what will happen after today when they don't have food in the flat anymore? Or if they run out of electricity and can't go to buy more? I just wish he could come now. Just now. To be safe.